Moon Juice

“Moon Juice,” a short play by Clark senior Raechel Segal, was performed in the final of Manhattan Repertory Theatre’s 10-Minute Play Contest on August 24. From Raechel’s synopsis: “Hippies rejoice! It’s time for the Manchester Radio Show! Will Moon Juice steal the spotlight? Or will a cis, white, and racist man-band show them up? Who is ‘The Real MVP’ in the battle of human dignity? Who knows? But clap your hands, and give it up for Moon Juice!”

Check out a selection from the script below.

moon-juice

Moon Juice

Raechel Segal

. . .

CECE
Hey, everyone, I’m sorry, but this guy got our name wrong again. We are Moon Juice! Not like there’s juice on the moon, but was it Jupiter where we recently found some clot? Gotta clean the planets, take good care of them to prevent early onset juice clots. Anyways, we’re actually gonna play on the carpet with you all.

Sexy howls from the audience. Everyone sits on the carpet and enjoys Moon Juice’s jams. Picture the perfect combination of The Kinks, Violent Femmes, and Velvet Underground, or just folk rock. Suddenly, a fake feminist appears.

JAMES
Busting through the door
Hey, we gonna pump up the party?
Music stops

CECE
This is folk rock.

JAMES
Doesn’t mean I can’t get turnt. Let’s jam! Everybody, get up! Off the rug, it’s time slam now!

CECE
Whispering to Sally
I’m pretty sure no one’s gonna jam with that Meninist.

BAND MEMBER
Who?

CECE
James, the fake feminist.

JAMES
I heard that!

CECE
Um…

ISAAC
James, you can’t just stomp in and ruin our tiny desk concert.

JAMES
Me, ruin your concert? How so?

CECE
You bounce in here a half hour late like it’s some Electronic Dance Music gig. And we don’t even dance. Not even Sally on back-up vocals. Sally doesn’t dance!

SALLY
I just slap my knees.
Slaps her knees

CECE
It’s been a rough night. We lost our drummer and out electric instruments. So we’re just improvising to good ‘ol acoustic way, vamping like some acid-dropping Phish fry without the drugs.
Quick pause
Are we getting paid?
Isaac shrugs his shoulders. To James:
You came at a no good very bad time, to ruin music, to ruin hand-holding hippies and good-vibe vegetarians who want to change the world. You ruined this whole thing, Mr… I don’t know what your last name is.

JAMES
James Gilford.

CECE
Right when you walked in, I thought you were gonna shoot someone.

JAMES
That’s racist.

CECE
You’re white.

JAMES
Oh.

CECE
You walk balls-forward like you’re some kind of MVP, but we all know you can’t shoot hoops. You’re too busy shooting down women, and terribly at that. So why’d you come here and disrupt the all-female jam band?

JAMES
Because… maybe I am the band!

CECE
A one-man band?

JAMES
Who knows? I might have friends.
Quick pause
They’re not here right now. So I’m gonna rap solo.

CECE
The floor is yours. Actually, we were sitting on the carpet until you invaded like an ant-man. So, take the stage, I guess?

JAMES
The stage is mine.
Raps
Yo, yo, yo, my name is James. It rhymes with windowpanes, except not exactly, that’s more like a half-slant off-beat rhyme. Ain’t it fine? Stuff I learned in school. Don’t be a tool. Don’t be a tool. Don’t be a fool, because fools can be tools, and it’s bad to get your wood stuck near a clitoral hood. Don’t be a fool. Don’t be a tool.
Silence
I also do stand up!
Boos from the audience
What, you can’t stand a decent-looking white guy appropriating various cultures simultaneously? You call it racist; I call it talent. Now who knows why the Jew escaped the shtetl? Well, that’s not a joke, so much as a program… whoops, I meant pogrom.
All lives matter! Black or white, we unite. All lives matter, all lives matter, except gay lives. Fags for the fire! Kindred spirits! Man with woman, woman with man. Unless you crave Satan!

CECE
Seitan is a vegetarian protein!

JAMES
So is your soul!

CECE
At least my soul is kosher!

JAMES
Rapping
Yo, yo, yo, my name is…

Interested in watching the rest of play? Here’s a link to a video of the full performance.

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One thought on “Moon Juice

  1. Pingback: Clark Writer of the Month: Raechel Segal | Clark Writes

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